Don't Think Vice
by Alchemist Experiment
Summary: Renaissance Playboys came in all manner of flavors, and a man of science could never ignore any opportunity that came his way.... Jonas SrxColonel Gentleman.


Disclaimer: Venture Bros characters do not belong to me, I am making no money off of this.

Warnings: Male/male situations, strong language, general offensiveness. (Come on, we're dealing with two guys who grew up in the 30s/40s, and at least one of them is canonically a tad racist.)

Spoilers: For season 3

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Don't Think Vice

The sound of heavy welding nearly masked the sound of knocking at the door. Blue sparks danced over thin sheets of metal, reflecting and reverberating off of the steel, the glass of protective goggles, the darkened windows….

Dr. Jonas Venture switched off the torch and paused. There it was, the knocking. Stripping off heavy leather gloves, the scientist moved to the door of his lab. Most likely Rusty had woken from another nightmare - honestly, a boy of his age should be well beyond night frights! - and needed good old Dad to chase away the monsters under his bed.

Or Rusty had woken up due to an _actual_ monster under his bed, but that generally entailed far more screaming.

Protective goggles pushed up on top of his head, Jonas opened the door.

"Horace! My goodness, man, what brings you to my doorstep at this hour?"

"That she-beast is out catting about again!" Colonel Horace Gentleman didn't wait for an invitation, simply swept passed Jonas and into the lab. "And she didn't even take me with her!"

"Oh, well, you know women." Jonas shrugged. "Give them an inch…."

"And they'll whip you with your own ruler. You don't have to tell me, Jonas. I never should have married the witch in the first place!"

"Now, now, Miss Quymn is a lovely woman…" And a she-cat in the sack. Nails like needles and a tongue that was more nimble than an Arab street rat.

"Lovely when she's getting what she wants." Horace sank into an empty chair, leaning back dramatically. "I envy you, Jonas. Free from the ties of married life…."

"Now now, it's not all that easy. I'd offer you a drink, but it looks like you've already had a few."

"And then some! Did you know she harps on me for drinking? As if she doesn't have a slow gin fiz glued to her hand…"

Jonas took a seat across from Horace, shaking his head at this friend. It had been surprising when old Horace tied the knot, but men changed. And it wasn't as though marriage had changed much. Once the playboy, always the playboy. There was certainly something to be said about open marriages…

Especially when he could reap the rewards in the form of Horace's beautiful and acrobatic wife.

"Well, you know she'll always come home to you."

"Doesn't help much now, does it?" Horace laughed. "Ah, listen to me. I'm being a sullen old man, aren't I?"

"We all have our days. Why don't you hit a bar? Find something to take your mind off of it. Or…I have the number for a _very_ friendly oriental masseuse. Happy ending, guaranteed."

"I suppose. Can't say I'm in the mood for it, though." Horace paused, fixing his gaze on Team Venture's esteemed leader. "Jonas, have I ever told you what a handsome man you are?"

"Oh, come now, Horace! I'm not your type!" Jonas had to laugh. He often wondered if Horace discriminated at all when it came to his bed partners. But the man had never made a play for _him _before. It didn't bother him, he simply wondered why. It seemed so out of the blue!

"My wife certainly thinks you're a conquest worth embarking on."

What was this now? "Jealous, Horace?" He'd never minded a bit of swapping and switching over the years. And the man _had_ invented 'musical beds'.

"No, just curious. Have you ever…?"

"Me? No, no." He'd never seen the appeal. It'd be like…well, like having sex with yourself!

"It's a gas Jonas, let me tell you. You should try it sometime. You know…" Horace leaned forward, eyebrows raised. "I taught that little lady half of what she knows."

"Did you now? She's a fine student then." It was an interesting proposition. One perhaps better addressed with some alcohol in his system. He stood and poured himself a drink from the bar beneath his workbench. What to do? He considered himself a heterosexual man, but he was also an open minded man.

"What do you say, old chum?"

What did he say? Certainly Horace had something to offer - he was never lacking in partners, male or female. Word got around, after all. And men of science should never turn away from an opportunity to learn….

"I say," Jonas said, untying his leather work apron and setting it aside, "that a man of learning owes it to himself to try everything once."

"Then as the kids say, copasetic, my good man!"

Kids. Jonas cleared his throat, holding up a hand as Horace lunged out of the chair and towards him.

"Just a moment," he warned. "Not here. Ah…Rusty." A boy didn't need to know what his father was up to behind closed doors. It was just too risky in the lab, without him occupied elsewhere. What if he came looking for a glass of milk or a late night bedtime story?

"Ah, of course. Wouldn't want to traumatize the poor lad. Where should…?"

"Upstairs. Just let me tidy up the lab, and I'll meet you."

Horace nodded, already unbuttoning his suit and moving towards the door that led to the main compound.

"Don't be too long, Jonas, or I may get the party started without you."

Jonas laughed and poured himself a second drink. Liquid courage, for a brave new venture! He chuckled at his own unintentional pun. Leaving the lab as it was, Jonas turned to the door Horace had exited through.

Better bite the bullet before he changed his mind….

XXX

The sound of heavy breathing masked any small noises from outside. Satin sheets lay tangled at the foot of the bed, shimmering and reflecting the low light of dimmed lamps and the moon outside the window.

Jonas lay on his back, cigarette between his lips, hand behind his head. He had a very good view of the ceiling - one of the light fixtures was coming loose. Horace was attempting to disentangle himself from a stray sock that had gotten caught up in the fray.

That had been an experience. Not a regrettable one, by any means, but certainly something different. And nothing Jonas felt he had any reason to try again. Not much different than sex with a woman, really. There'd been a bit of confusion there for a moment, about who would do what to whom, but it had all worked out eventually. Really, thinking back, it had been more like…well, wrestling! Naked wrestling. That ended with an orgasm.

"I must say, Horace, I feel enlightened now." And exhausted! Horace certainly did have stamina! But what else could one expect from any member of Team Venture?

"Enlightened? I feel positively properly shagged."

Jonas laughed - he'd always felt he had a good laugh, and used it at every opportunity. "Glad to be of service, my friend. But…one little favor?"

"What is it?"

Jonas sat up, legs bent as he reached for his cigarette.

"Next time…why don't you bring that delightful wife of yours?"


End file.
